Sometimes, I just fall out of conversations. One minute I am right in the middle of all the action, talking, acting, reacting, thinking…and a few minutes later I realize I’ve completely lost track of the conversation that continues to spread its tentacles around everyone else except me. And then, I sit and watch. I watch the conversation slip out of my hands, first with some worry that it’s going, and then with a peaceful resignation that it’s not mine to nurture anymore. It’s a strange feeling, to fall out of your conversation and then just sit there and watch it go off on its own. Is that what parents feel like when their children suddenly grow up and start taking care of their own lives?
I am not really sure if I like it when that happens. It is nice to know that your conversation (and by that I mean a conversation you initiated and brought up to a certain point) is doing well. But when I fall out of track and the conversation doesn’t really care that I’ve fallen out, it’s not a good feeling.
I know I sometimes shock people. I can walk into a room, sit there for half an hour in the middle of 5 people, not say a single word and just leave. It seems like audacity. Believe me, it’s not. I do not scramble into conversations. I cannot and will not. Well, I can, but I won’t.
Just the other day we were planning a trip to Rhode Island. I started it, because I wanted to go to Providence. But I didn’t say a single word after the first sentence. I had people look at me for responses during the next 10 minutes, but I just clam shut! Don’t ask me why.
But what I also love doing is sitting in the middle of a conversation and still not be a part of it. That way, I get to follow and notice certain subtle nuances of interaction, observe expressions and body language and of course, my favorite hobby – learn people. Yes, learn people.
Anyways, coming back to that one - when my conversation has brutally ripped my heart by walking away from me and flirting with everyone else in the room, it comes back to me. And we leave together – a happy re-united couple.
BUT. We will never forget that one fell out and the other carried on without a care in the world. AND STILL. We will always come back to each other.
I am not really sure if I like it when that happens. It is nice to know that your conversation (and by that I mean a conversation you initiated and brought up to a certain point) is doing well. But when I fall out of track and the conversation doesn’t really care that I’ve fallen out, it’s not a good feeling.
I know I sometimes shock people. I can walk into a room, sit there for half an hour in the middle of 5 people, not say a single word and just leave. It seems like audacity. Believe me, it’s not. I do not scramble into conversations. I cannot and will not. Well, I can, but I won’t.
Just the other day we were planning a trip to Rhode Island. I started it, because I wanted to go to Providence. But I didn’t say a single word after the first sentence. I had people look at me for responses during the next 10 minutes, but I just clam shut! Don’t ask me why.
But what I also love doing is sitting in the middle of a conversation and still not be a part of it. That way, I get to follow and notice certain subtle nuances of interaction, observe expressions and body language and of course, my favorite hobby – learn people. Yes, learn people.
Anyways, coming back to that one - when my conversation has brutally ripped my heart by walking away from me and flirting with everyone else in the room, it comes back to me. And we leave together – a happy re-united couple.
BUT. We will never forget that one fell out and the other carried on without a care in the world. AND STILL. We will always come back to each other.
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